How Developing Emotional Intelligence Can Improve Your Coaching. Final Part
Controlling your own emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances
Relationship Building.
Last year I was speaking to a rowing coach and we were discussing behavioural agility. She told me that a number of years ago, as a junior performer in rowing, she had a very good coach who had a dominant and direct style of coaching and communication. This worked for her and got the best out of her, but the coach used this style with everyone.
Unfortunately the coach’s style created an issue with her parents who saw the coach as rude and abrupt. There was always the potential for conflict when her parents and the coach met, usually at major events.
The upshot of this was any event, where she knew her coach and parents would be present, would create in her a high level of pre-competition anxiety. This had a negative effect on her performance as she could never focus entirely on the competition, instead worrying about any potential meeting between her parents and the coach. As she had equal respect for her parents and the coach the issue was never challenged and she left the sport for a number of years.
This story highlights how other factors need to be taken into consideration when thinking about performance. How we deal with our behaviours and emotions can influence the way we communicate and come across to others. Additionally, we need to be aware of the behaviours / emotions and communication styles of the people we come into contact with in order to be effective in what we do.
Effective relationship skills are an important part of Emotional Intelligence (EI).
People who possess high relationship skills are;
- Excellent at creating and maintaining relationships
- Have high levels of empathy and can understand and see things from another’s point of view
- Interact well with others
- Manage conflict positively
- Have a balanced / realistic outlook on life (not too pessimistic, not too optimistic)
- Readily get support and commitment from others
- Are interdependent and have a healthy attitude about working with others
People with low relationship skills;
- Find it difficult to engage with others
- Have difficulty at establishing trust and confidence
- Are seen by others to be aloof and impersonal
- Regularly find themselves in conflict with the people they deal with
How would you rate your relationship skills on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being high and 1 being low?
Think about the relationships you have within your sports coaching environment. In the relationships that work well, what skills and behaviours do you use to maintain and develop these relationships? What are the outcomes in terms of performance? What emotions do they create in you?
Now think about any relationships that do not work as well. What skills and behaviours are missing? What emotions do these relationships create in you? Do these emotions block or enhance performance, both in yourself or in the people you coach?
Now think about any relationships that do not work as well. What skills and behaviours are missing? What emotions do these relationships create in you? Do these emotions block or enhance performance, both in yourself or in the people you coach?
There is a lot of information available on relationship building within EI and any internet search will lead you to useful resources.
Well, that’s the end of this short four part series on how developing your EI can improve your coaching and I hope you have found it useful. The below diagram adapted from Coffey and Murray’s 1995 book “Emotional Intelligence (EQ): A Leadership Imperative, summarises the series and gives some useful areas for reflection.
If anyone has any questions on EI or the use of profiling for coaches or performers please contact Dave.
Written by David Doran of S4P Coaching
Dave is a Performance Coach and works with individuals and teams, in sport and business, developing Emotional Intelligence to improve performance.
He is currently working with coaches within Premiership Football, Rugby League and Hockey. He is an Associate Lecturer at Oxford Brookes University working within the Sports Coaching Department lecturing on various aspects of Sports Coaching.
